happynutties

80% friends locked.
but should be fine for those with pw(:

had a v great 17th birthday.
because of all the ppl ard me.
its v sweet.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dV__52qXJc0&feature=related

jasmine just dedicated this to me.
(:

i feel v blissful.
for all the ppl ard me.
the stayover was greats too.
i'll talk abt that tmr.
but i had such a memorable bdae.
thank you, my friends.
(:

im feeling tired again.
emotionally unstable just came up to my mind.
that was something i ceased to use a few years ago.
i thought of it as something imature.
and esp since grandma's death.
i thought i could no longer use that in my life.
i tried.
i tried to give up living my eupho dream.
i tried to give up thinking abt taking the scholarship.
i tried to work very hard for my studies.
i tried to pick up and face up to eupho again.
i tried to take everything by my stride.
i tried to excel and be that marvellous daughter.
i tried to be who i wasnt.
was it a mistake?
when i suddenly saw that fb mail.
memories flooded back into me.
idk.
a bittery taste.
i worked for blocks for nth.
feeling like a failure.
this is one of the first times.
i worked and got nth.
nth at all.
maybe he was right.
my life was too smooth sailing after all.
i felt as if i was a dying failure.
but when failure really did come.
that was when i realised i was really a failure.
theres many things building up in my life.
that i have to ceased to look on what i really want.
family matters.
academic matters.
and even music matters.
should i take it up?
how can i still live up to it?
how can i say of myself as a musician if i cant even bring it up?
i dont even want to touch it now.
getting for bad to worse.
ive forgotten wad is was like to play it all out.
to entertain.
7th may just keep flooding back in me.
what can i do?
i dont want to lose it.
but i dont seem to grab it.
only i can help myself.
but i dont know how.
i miss the ppl i used to rely on.
“没有人可以让你依靠一辈子。”
since that day i've tried to forget.
forget all the times when i could look up to you for help.
that warmth which could melt away all my problems.
the encouragement which would fuel my courage.
a hug which could allow me to stand up on my feet again.
where are you now?
i kept telling myself it would be fine.
but i really dont know what would be fine now.
i dont know who i can rely on.
我怕了，我真的怕了。
你在哪里？
my brain is in a mess.
i dont know what i should do.
promos.
flute.
piano.
eupho matters.
u.
and the feeling of smth impending.
family matters.
results.
failure to excel.
taking up those offers.
taking up those opportunities.
who can teach me what to do?

when i saw that fb.
i really felt this surge in me.
i realised.
maybe it hasnt been a pity.
it was a regret.
the first regret i have in my life.
i dont know if i have been given another chance would i have changed my mind then.
but if i had another chance now.
i would not.
or rather if i had another chance now.
i would take it up again.
its nth really.
coz at the end of the day.
i have myself to be blamed.
i lost that gained smth else.
but i really want it now.
maybe im still a kiddy.
just a kiddy.
missing all the shelters that used to circle around me.
i really regret.
giving up u guys.
sorry.

"A friend once told me the sky is the limit...I corrected them by saying the sky was only the beginning"
how inspirational.
idk how things will move off from this point.
but the tears have dried.
i've moved on.
and i will work.
to seek that piece of my sky again,.


i need to do. [THIS WEEK.]
-PI.
-BIO.
-CHEM TUTORIAL ATOMIC (ll)
-MATH TUTORIAL 4A
-MATH QUIZ STUDY INEQUALITIES.
-BIO ENZYME TUTORIAL.
-ECONS #8
-STUDY CHEM TEST.
-PRAC EUPHO. PIANO. FLUTE.
-SEND GLEN THAT EMAIL.
-math extra QNS.

the schedule.
MONDAY. end at 930 because of BAND. reach home 1030.
TUESDAY. end at prefably TWO but there may be BAND.
WEDNESDAY. end at 630 plus because of BAND but i have the liweisong thing supposedly concurrently till 7. reach home 7plusplus.
THURSDAY. end at 4 plusplus dont know got BAND or not. and have FLUTE until 9. reach home 10.
FRIDAY. end at 8 plusplus? reach home 9.

GREATS.
hahaha.
im going mad officially.
and my PLAN.
my new plan. (:
i need to work for it.
and oh another thing to do.

-go test the EUPHO. (:
and then buy it (: and my SM4.
-mail THAT person.
-decide a concrete PLAN.
:D

now i should just study BIO.

i really love this.
"A friend once told me the sky is the limit...I corrected them by saying the sky was only the beginning"

a new beginning.
starts here.

i have a sudden urge to go back to ny and just scream THANK YOU to no one in particular but to EVERYONE.
i was reading some posts abt syf 07 and suddenly everything came flooding back to me.
to see everyone so hyped up about syf again.
its so amazing and exciting yet its over for me.
and then i really thinking nanyang teachers are marvellous.
practically everything up to now on bio and chem was like covered and we are just going again.
like i will be like x.x last time in sec 3 when i had to do jc stuff but now its like omg heaven.
at least theres some idea of it.
isnt nanyang great?

syf 07 really brings back alot of memories suddenly.
got the 泪在眼眶 again suddenly.
its kind of autopilot or rather a reflex kind of thing.
its just natural and unknowingly,
its still there.

hurhur i shant be contradicting like my previous posts.
whoever i am i have to do it.
rise up to it.
its just part of human instincts.

the game have got to begin.
time is running out...
for you and me.

i've just heard something.
which is pretty interesting.
and really something i believe in.
pretty coincidental.

quotes.
"We fight, to win."

how inspirational.

:D

as the title suggests...
i ve just made a new friend...
Aadey!
he is a YEP 642,
looking bright and shiney now,
going to my be my war alliance for the next 2 years,
or rather partners-in-crime,
im going to stick it in and make things work,
try to make him happy,
keep him in optimum playing mood,
find my playing mood myself again,
and achieve new heights again with him.
whats the plan for 2 years?
i have achieved what i want like playing out there and overseas.
but now i just want to reach another level.
the highest tier of project STX.
i think we can.
we are going to be a good team.
Aadey! :D
if u were wondering who he is, he is my new eupho w hcband.
jeremy the scuba diver must be giving the O.O look now.
when will u guys ever float up to the surface?
rather than give me live commentary of my lj when u guys chat w me.
haha.
my new found companion Aadey! :D
and yes i do still love Charlie. :D
Charlie my life long companion. :D
but of course he is seeking another new life w NYCB now.
w my jnrs.
thats greats.
we all move on. (:
MOVE on. FLY high.
:D

But of course my most important plot is...As.
im such a mugger? NO. not yet.
i just dont want to repeat mistakes like letting things pile up or giving up too much time on just band or some other aspects of my life.
i shall learn to be more charitable.
more CIP.
even more SOCIAL. my past social is always bandees which is not the best thing in the world.
still my project STX obviously. its an ongoing plan!
EXCEL.
simple as that.
MUST SOCIAL AND CIP!
important!
PIANO.
FLUTE
EUPHO.
tadaaa.

ok i shall start moving and doing something.
tralala.
celebrating the birth of...
Aadey <3
im kind of happy really with him.
i was pretty worried at first?
better than the international i guess.
sovereign 968  CHARLIE (:
comparable to him is 642!
what great luck. (:
coincidence? maybe.
fate? certainly.(:

i have moved on.
and i realised the yearning to get back and jump head on into where it all started is back.
not only moving on,
that burning passion is back.
passion not only in band.
but to excel.
how ironical.
how interesting.
after resting for so long maybe.
this is greats.
with new war mates.
hmm.


let the game begin. (;

its all over! the orientation i mean.
godd havent posted for 2 months.
how amazingg.
i had an exciting life these 2 weeks.
TIME OF MY LIFE (;

its beyond description.
the FUN.
the MADNESS.
the CRAZYNESS.
the LAUGHTER.
the JOY.
the HIGHNESS.
i enjoyed myself. (:

OG22.
CT 09S7G.
APOLLO!
HWACHONG!
i <3 hc.

idk how to put all the fun i had.
OG GAMES.
CT GAMES.
CAMPFIRE.
WARGAMES.
i really loved the WAR GAMES.
CLASS FLAGG!
APOLLO!

its slowly settling in that after all these fun is gone the work is coming in.
but yea i really had LOADS of funn.
now theres cca to go mad abt coz i cant decide.
HARMONICA?
BAND?
FRISBEE?
INTERACT?
HUANG CHENG?
i think i shouldnt tie myself to one cca for another 2 years.
on the other hand, i dont really care.
i dont really wanna be a loser though.
EUPHO?
FLUTE?
PIANO?

oh wells i will take care of them when the time comes.
BUT.
above all.
as i was under the cold shower after the war games, what really settled in was that.
its a fact.
its a conviction.
its decided.
im in hwachong & i love hwachong.
how time flies.
how times had changed.

i realised i love hwachong.

ORIENTATION 09.
REV-IT-UP!

i <3 hc.

i bought the things for FAREWELL already! :D
but i hope they survive the route there.
haha.
oh ya i havent wrapped her present!
-self reminds-

i thought again today!
and yesterday too of course.
and i wonder why and why and why.
i realised somethings never change.
it still matters to me.
like wow what a realisation.
but i think its the conviction.
im convinced.
im resigned.
that,
i still care.
FINE.
tormenting...?

&all over again.

did the imc presentation yesterday.
it came off fine. :D
though i dont think they know what i was saying.
but it was the inspiring that matters right?
i hope i did...at least a little bit?
(:
didnt go back at night coz i was totally tired and worn out,
frm bali after arriving in sg just the night before.
frm waking up at 7 ytdae to get to ny on time. [ thats the time i need to get to ny by 10 plus ]
frm the uneasy-ness of presenting abt IMC coz i think nyband wont be interested.
frm actually finishing it.
i think i was actually working on adrenaline.
to do this last bit of things before farewell.
and oh yes.
farewell is on FRIDAY which is TOMORROW.
and kexin havent prepared anything.
CHEERIOS.
i should get myself to a shopping mall later.
yes i NEED to.
 

 

-pause-

played Nintendo Wii yesterday.
FUNNNN.
:D
but it was pro-ly th tired-est day of this whole holiday.
goddd.

after that ??? post i suddenly have an answer when i went online.
PERFECTION is an obsession.
maybe i was obsessed with perfecting eupho playing.
which led me to just went on trying to excel in every prac.
not wad i really wanted to be but just doing it but just coz i was obsessed?

what a joke it had been.

i was wondering.
whether i like the eupho that much after all.
like y did i work hard for?
coz i love it?
or just to complete something?
i really wonder suddenly.
i keep thinking i cant give it up
but when i think why i cant, i get reasons that are not related to me at all.
in the midst of exceling, i have forgotten why i even bothered to try so hard.
its pretty scary,
when i suddenly realise, i may not like the eupho that much, after all.
it was just a prove of what i felt i can achieve and nothing else?
which is y im so sure i wont do eupho for career base?
this is really weird.
perharps,
i dont like it after all.
it was never for myself.
after 4 years of hard work,
its this cold hard realisation?
perhaps i can let go after all, if i really think using my own reasons.

if so,
i must be really downright dumb for 4 years.

goddd.
i have been sneezing frm morning till now.
MORNING OK.
i woke up in the EARLY morning! :D
ok thats not the point.
i suddenly realised im hopelessly short as well.
oh wells.
this is horriblee.

i have a great plan ahead!
to take on 3 grade 8 exams in a year!
:D
i must be crazy.
here's the correct or rather SANE plan.
2009 2nd season - Flute Grade 8
2010 1st season - Piano Grade 8
2010 2nd season - Eupho Grade 8
eupho was actually no hurry.
but my tchr suggested i take it at the peak period.
so i have to do it within this 2 years.
FIRST STEP : BUY THE EUPHO.
i admit im pretty lazy.
i cant put off the grade 8 piano anymore so yea.
and flute as usual we go like a train.

 Things-to-Do
1. PACK EOYs stuff somewhere.
2. Chinese High maths paper.
3. Prac Eupho.
4. BUY/ORDER eupho.
5. Prac Flute.
6. Prac Piano.
7. Do the J2 maths thing.
8. THINK abt CCA and BAND in jc.
9. Think abt combi.
10. Check NUS requirements.
11. PACK ROOM overall.
12. PROJECT STX.
13. REVISE stuff.
14. SHOPP.er more. :D
15. Go out. w ppls.
16. Go back to ny ONE DAY to return charlie and settle matters.one.ONE.one.
17. BUY GIFTS(?)
18. PREPARE for trips.
19. KNOW what i want even more clearly.
20 WRITE UP on IMC to Mr Lim. (!)
21. Yak to ppl.
22. Decide on whether to take chinese and apply scholarship( too late? )
23. Music Scholarship.
24. AB audition?
25. AB thing.
26. MAPLE to 3rd JOB.
27. BUY CDs.
28 and IMPT. INDULGE IN LIFE.

still sneezing.
godd.
i shall eat dinner first.
i foresee myself getting sick.
RAH.
):

as what i wrote, i graduated from ny.
i sound dead.
idk.
i dont feel lively.
i think theres a worse path ahead.
more hard work.
more breaking moments.
more desperations to excel.
more expectations.
but i dont feel that sad abt leaving either.
i dont know.
whatever hopeful aspirations had suddenly disappeared for now.
i feel like seeking a life beyond singapore w the scholarship suddenly.
idk.
i like the shopping here though.
its quite nice.
compact and nice.
and i dont know what to join in hc.
band?
i dont know whats holding me back.
i know i wont give up on the eupho.
but i refuse to go back to the past 2 years of horrendous times.
i have beautiful memories.
but those near memories are just like a red traffic light tying me down.
and i feel that i dont mind being tied down.
this is really messy.
i resolve to be a study geek.
and a shopping geek.
rah.
whatever it is.
i must think properly.
no more impulse.
i feel like just putting every but in me to studies.
thats it.
im a nerd.

goddd.

ok all my results are back!
i did FINE :D
hahaha.
msg 1 point something! :D
hc here i come.
i havent decided about the scholarship.
im a pretty lazy person.
but still.
i dont know.
its really tormenting.
and another thing is on my mind now.
i realised that after passing down focusing just on studies and still eupho abit for hmp...
in about one and a half months i can actually catch up on four years and achieve alot.
thats only 1 and a half months without nycb or any other band.
from like blocks projected marks since i didnt take blocks of 3.something...
i can get to my 1point something.
its not 1.0 i know but theres a limit to how much its possible to do in one and a half months.
and im really well chuffed. :)
if i hadnt been at band for these four years.
would it had been much better?
i missed out on alot of basics in sec 1 and perhaps sec 2.
i only realised i had to work real hard at the end of sec 2.
and then syf came along in sec 3 so i only worked hard on the second half of sec 3.
and then i was caught up with py ccband and nycb and guest performing.
enjoying a time of my life.
then i came to sec 4.
many ups and downs, with of course the biggest change and turning pt being grandma's death.
being not trusted and doubted for passion.
falling into this whole cycle of doubt and forgotten drive.
before really waking up to reality i have this one last chance to prove that i can make it and make it a good one.
i wanted that minute msg alot.
i started gearing up giving up on everything that werent related to studies.
losing half of my social life.
going more attached to my family.
resisting temptations to shop.
giving not a care to others comments of my lost passion which i didnt believed was not there.
and of course the biggest regret being py.
i knew i couldnt hold on to the 2 big pressures.
pressure #1 - being the sl of nycb keeping the standard of playing, attending every band prac to SHOW my loyalty and passion, keeping up with the juniors playing, doing the best for all the various big and small concerts.
pressure #2 - being part of py keeping up with the standard i need to have, attending every band prac no matter rain or shine, for the performances and competition. it was mainly the doubt that i couldnt keep up with the other players. the worry.
i gave up the latter. my own dream. for a place which i no longer love then.
to pick up the passion and love happened as i neared the end of being part of nycb and being in US band camp was the time where i realised i couldnt doubt the fact that i have this bit of passion and love left locked up in me not willing to show it after all the drama and politics and all the doubt.
i wouldnt say i made a wrong choice i did ended my band life in nycb fine.
but i can never turn back to py. which well is surely a huge regret.

do i still want to go back to that life now?
in a different set up, in hc?
or should i just forget it all and chong for the next 2 years in hc towards A levels?

i really dont know.
to go back to those doubtful times.
i really dont want that anymore.
theres this tinge, this little tinge, of fear.
to those days where...i guess really sucked.
as if being locked down.
not joining band means im giving up eupho inevitably.
something i will least want to.
eupho is my life part of it.
the thing that really brought joy in my life.
i rmb-ed that celine asked me why i didnt shed a tear during passing down.
i dont know.
to a certain extent i was sad to leave a place i had been there for 4 years.
with really beautiful memories. thru all the gruelling prac and hard work.
getting great seniors.
really enjoying playing eupho.
to another extent i had lost all my feeling thru being locked there in my last 2 years.
after bottling up things for too long i had forgotten what it meant to feel sad.
im doubtful of how sad i am.
in a twist of matters, it is actually a new milestone of my life in nycb, released and letting go.
im a free person.
free from anymore glares of anyone for my doubted passion after 4 years of hard work.
free from anymore comments of my attendance which is supposedly the direct proportion to how much passion i have.
free from anymore promises or doubts.
unlocked from the dead lock of doubt.
i never felt free-er in my last year at nycb.
and i can finally study and study and study.
i dont know.
im finally free now from all these i dont know doubtfull days?suffering?
i dont feel like returning it.
yet i cant let go of my eupho playing.
actually, i might shed a tear.
when i finally lose charlie.
which is why i was adamant to do well for hmp perf.
its the last thing i can do with charlie.
and i had done it.
54/60 90%.
to a certain extent its a gauge of myself.
to another extent, its just a reflection of how much i wanted to end it all happily with charlie.
a instrument who never doubted me for all the time i had it.
us was the start of my belief.
in one day of full practise i could achieve that 90% with charlie.
cause its charlie.
mutual trust.
that had left for too long from me in nycb.
thats why, perhaps i will really shed that tear for charlie when i return him to nycb.
charlie, my darling euphonium,
who performed numerous times with me on all the stages of the various concert halls,
who performed with me in both japan and US,
who performed the best and brought out the best in me each performance,
who taught me to trust again,
who taught me to belief,
who set my dreams alight,
who gave me the chance to be myself again,
who never failed me in every solo.
who reminded me of the beautiful memories of nycb,
who trusted in me.
its hard to belive,
at the end of the day,
my greatest friend at nycb is charlie.
i wouldnt have gone through all the times without charlie.
that hmp performance was for charlie.
i hope i had left the best in charlie as well.
my darling euphonium who reminded me to trust again.
i dont know if i can find a instrument like that again.

i must not impulse this time.
and really think through about hcband.
and results.
dwelling away from my msg topic to charlie...
oh wells.


i will call how much i put into charlie, my passion.

thats my point.
im tired.
zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz...

SHOPPING!

my papers are ALL over.
i was VERY DEPRESSED yesterday cause i thought i was going to be the last in ny to finish EOYs.
and then val told me nat had changed day to yesterday and so im not the last.
HAHA.
what a happy day. :)
& i received something today which made me even happier.
after all its really good already.
well chuffed. (:

i wanted to elaborate on the papers but im lazy.
wellwells.
PERFORMANCE PAPER WAS GREATS!
my solo was :D:D:D:D:D
i never expected that.
i think it was partly because of US band camp IMC
i really believed that i can do it.
and then I DID.
its the confidence.
coz i was like if i can do 8 songs in five days in US,
why cant i do ONE solo piece in a day?
put in all the stress factors for maths and all the intensive mugging for the other subjuects that sucked up all my time.
oh ya maths,
GRAH i couldnt do the binomial one properly! D:
i got an weird answer.
but the rest was was fine though! :D
oh and i gave up on the last qns halfway while doing coz i was lazy. haha.
so i can use the time to check my other qns esp the partial fractions one.
i never checked a math qns for so many times. -.-
i really hope that i will get that  A1 for maths.
this is very weird coz my best subjects like chi and maths since years ago is going downslope for various reasons like lousy projected marks and all that...
but my others which i have no interest in is getting better and better.
this is weird.
i really hope to do well for eoys.
coz its really the hardest i work for my going to be 16 years of life.
msg 1. something is really something i want to achieve.
it was when i was talking to mok val rm before the hmp perf while eating macs that i realise i havent really had much of a life for the time since i came back from US as i was busy catching up and mugging for EOYs.
i gave up on many things.
succumbing to stress and fear of not performing well enough since im a SEC FOUR.
succumbing to the fear of not living up to others expectations in studies.
succumbing to the fear of disappointing others and myself.
succumbing to stress from wanting to do the best for grandma in heaven.
i really wanted to work hard for many reasons.
i needed to get myself to hc with a good enough mark for my own standards.
not just scraping through.
msg 2+ is not good enough for my last year in ny.
putting away studies for band has been too long.
the need to excel for myself.
and ive completed this whole journey yesterday.
doing my near best or if not the best.
i hope to do well but if not, i will have no regrets.
i can tell myself that at least.
giving up many things to achieve others is part and parcel of like i guess.

i gave up on going for band fiesta and studying in sch for IMC in US.
and i gained the confidence i needed to perform in limelight and in hmp performance paper.
and confidence that will stay with me for life.

i gave up on py then so that i can keep that pathetic left strength in me for eupho in nyband after from that string of infections.
giving up my dream of playing in py, still being labelled as not giving enough for nyband and still thought as a selfish nut.
but at least i can acount to myself and i be sure that i have given my best in nyband either ways.
haha i have a conductor who thought i was dead? threatening with an asl election?
haha. criticism and coldness really fuel people to excel and grow.
that was where i was adament to excel on eupho w my darling eupho charlie.
in the society you only survive if u have a retaining use or talent left in you for people who can still use you for that.
its good that i learn this early.
and it made me realise the joy that i really reap from charlie.
charlie and me is like a team.
without charlie, im nothing, no euphonist.
for py is a pity and i guess i will never step in there again.
philyouths is my only regret this year i guess.
but at least i managed to achieve my dream of playing there when im 14.
its another milestone for me.
the first step in believing that i can do it on my eupho.
and again.
if im still in py how would i have managed my eoys?
i can disappoint myself, give up on my dreams but never disappoint those who really wanted me to excel in studies.

i gave up on SIBF when i left py.
another broken dream and that further affirm the fact that i should never appear near py again.
but if not so i would have faced further dilema after being selected for US band camp.
and i will have been a worst person withdrawing from SIBF for US band camp.

International Music Camp had really been important for me this year.
the confidence. the joy. the believe that i can.
and wonderful instructor that taught me how to entertain.
i once felt that i was going to kill myself because of band no matter py or nyband from stress in april.
the failure to deliver succumbing to throat infection countless times.
nobody knew i guess.coldness in reality makes people stronger but there are times when u really need that bit of warmth.
those few that stayed by me and of course my family and the belief.
thats why i must really excel in my studies.
i worked and never looked back since.

one person i really need to thank as well is Mr Lim.
if i havent gone for US band camp, i will never realise the things i can achieve with charlie.
i will have never had an instructor to wake me up from my idea of playing the eupho.
James D.Thornton my instructor changed my perspective of playing eupho.
that eupho is not always withdrawn, to play aggresively yet with subtleness.
to play not for the sake of playing but to ENTERTAIN.
i never had an eupho instructor.
much less one who will throw a dull study in front of me and tell me to entertain him.
i never had a place to focus purely on eupho playing.
i never had a conductor who will just come up and help me and praise me for my playing.
i never had bandmates who will just pop by to tell me he thought what i played was remarkable.
i never had such an enjoyable time with people i know for less than a week.
i never had such a fun time in my life since entering nanyang.
i sound deprived.
yes i had been deprived for 4 years.
so its really a BIG thank you to Mr Lim for giving me a chance.
to get close to a place, section mates, band mates, conductors, instrutors who will not only change me aesthetically but also me as a person.
dancing around having fun on my 3rd last night there.
unforgettable.

godd i have dwelled far from the main thing.
but its really happy memories there.
and i still hope to excel further.
but now i place all my hopes in my studies. (:

all that coldness horrible memories...
nothing compared to US.
to the little happy times i had in ny.
to the warmth from those who always stand by me.
one day, i will probably look back and laugh it all off.
that was the driving force for me to excel.

i just remembered reading something...
"i wished u were in my band back there.im sure back in singapore its the same."
i was reading this on the flight back to singapore.
and couldnt help but laugh at myself.
what a joke.
i didnt have the chance to tell him how dead wrong he was.
这一切，多可悲。

ok i shant dwell on these stuff anymore.
after all i went through it all and survived and became even stronger in by beliefs.
oh i just got a PSP. haha. i feel like a little kid. frm my mum.i guess she didnt know what else to buy from me.
i feel blissful.
2 days to my birthday.
and my family is really preparing for it more than me.
i was wondering if it was because this year i will have one present less from 婆婆。
but i guess i will just have to say,
nothing beats being at home,
and i always think grandma is still around me giving me the strength i need.
its really great when people trust you.
like my parents who allowed me to get to US missing near 3 weeks of school even when i wasnt performing the best.
that was trust.
and i relished my time in us.

and i bought MANY THINGS TODAY.
SHOPPING!
:D
thats an indication of my life back.
haha.
:)
LIFELIFELIFE.
ITS NEVER TOO LATE TO ENJOY THE HAPPINESS OF LIFE.
its feels great to be alive!
haha.
i sound like i just came out from something huge and horrible.
but eoys IS huge and horrible!
haha!
:D

ok i still have many appointments tomorrow or rather in the next few days.
:D
i need to do the thing i have put off with for too long.
SLEEP.
:)
nothing beats going to sleep as well.
haha.
:D
in 2 days i will be sixteen! :D
clarice gave me an early happy birthday.
haha shes really quite early!
im really in a happy mood now!
:D

in 2 days you will be sixteen too!
finally. (;
7yearsofpromise.

goodbye now! (;
&relishing every bit of life!
:D

i have alot to say! :)
firstly.
I FINISHED HMP SIA AND HIGHER COMPONENT.
like finally.
:)
but i havent started on eupho prac AT ALL.
godd.
thats bad.

anyways.
few papers are over...
LA - okok! :)
IH - okok not too bad also! :)
CHI - fairly well! my A1...CA2 is like the lousiest i have ever gotten for chinese and i didnt even take the paper.well done! -.-
CHEM - MCQ was x.x but open ended was :D so hence i derived :)
MATHS P1 - ok fine i still have hope! :) A1! its not the best but its not bad. i need to do more on the BIG 3 and revise.

coming up....
BIO -ah alamake. i rest my case.
PHY - OH godd.
HMP - hurhur.
MATHS P2 - hope + hard work + prays = should be ok. :) PRACTISE!
HMP (perf) - rrrrrrrrr. PRACTISE also...different from the above. -.-

every step i take now is closer to freedom.
:)
I CAN DO IT not just complete but in a good way! :)
a few last laps to go!

PHY BIO MATH EUPHO!
gogogo~!

kexin : yes i can! :)

i will make it.
yes i will.
JIAYOU!
:D

THIS IS BAD.
im not moving anymore.
like too hyper then now no more oil.
goddd.
this is bad.

im dead.